My Sacred Journey
I quit my corporate non-profit job at age 53 because I was living someone else’s life.
I was a successful financial professional. I had worked my way up the corporate ladder for the last 24 years. I had a stable job, a six-figure salary, fabulous benefits and worked for a great non-profit that lived its amazing mission. It would seem insane to walk away.
But I did. On June 3, 2021, I walked away.
There was something inside of me that felt restless and unsettled. As much as I surrounded myself with material things, got involved in prestigious projects, garnered more accolades, there was something missing. I felt empty. I felt like I was living someone else’s life. I felt like I was living my life for everyone but me.
I WANT TO HELP YOU LIVE A LIFE OF YOUR DREAMS
It's my Vision that all people have the opportunity to have a thinking partner who catalyzes, provokes, and speeds up significant change in their lives within a safe and non-judgmental space.
It started in childhood.
I was adopted as a baby. It is hard to have this clarity as a child, especially growing up in the circumstances that I did, but I can now see that my adopted mother wanted me to have the life that she was denied.
That was just it. It was her life.
I grew up believing that in order to win her love:
I had to be who she wanted me to be.
I had to be powerful and successful.
I had to marry someone powerful and successful.
I had to live in a large house in an affluent neighborhood and give her grandchildren.
I had to have all the things.
I had to have prestige and fame.
As a child, I was subjected to emotional and psychological neglect and abuse. My mother was mentally ill and struggled. I was raped at age 13 and again when I was 15. What little self-worth I had was completely ripped away. I felt lost, invisible, worthless. I was sure I would be dead by the time I was 25.
Instead of sitting in a place of compassion, my mother pushed me to go to college. Imagine her disappointment when I dropped out. Imagine her disapproval when I became engaged to a Chef instead of a lawyer or a doctor. Imagine the distain she had when I made poor money choices or just poor decisions in general. She took it personally when I was told that I could not have children. As if I had done it on purpose to spite her.
I had found a letter that she had written to her psychologist. She wrote that I was “a loser” and that she’d “always have to carry me”. Those words stuck with me for years.
I eventually finished my bachelor’s degree in Business with a Concentration in Accounting while working full time. I went on to get my Master’s in Business Administration in the same manner, graduating Summa Cum Laude and with honors both times. In the shock of my life, I became pregnant with my miracle child while enrolled in my master’s program.
I then I got involved in way to may things, becoming everything to everyone. I gave and gave of myself until there was nothing left for me. I was completely driven to earn the love I so desperately wanted. To be seen as a “good mom”, “top performing employee”, “perfect wife”, “devoted daughter”. I sought validation by external sources.
When the Covid-19 pandemic hit in 2020, it ripped away everything that defined my value and my worth. I had already done a lot of work to release the pain and trauma starting in 2012, but 2020 really accelerated that.
I sat with my shadows and listened to them rage. I cried and I wailed. I was terrified that I would be consumed by it. Every time I backed away from the difficult work, thinking that I could just ignore it, it would express itself in an even louder and unhealthy way. I continued to revisit it. As I did it became less and less scary. Eventually I could hear the pain under the anger. I could see how it was masking the emptiness and despair of my wounded inner child. I met her with compassion. I met her with love. I hugged her and reassured her in a way that I had never experienced as a child. I began to bring her into the light, to integrate her back into the core of my being.
When my adopted mother passed in September of 2020 at age 93. I was able to sit by her bedside and help her transition in such a space of love and compassion. I had so many mixed emotions, grief, sadness, fear, anger, and oddly, liberation. I no longer felt the weight of her expectations.
I was able to slowly discover my passion and purpose because of all of the inner work I was doing. I now know that I am whole and creative.
Coaching and Energy work called me. I love what I do with every ounce of my being! I am proud to say that I am a Radiant Coach’s Academy Certified Holistic Life Coach. The journey has been amazing and very healing.
I call what I do Catalyst Coaching. I am merely the agent that helps you provoke and speed the changes you want to make. You, too, are whole and creative. There is a way out of the confusion, pain and overwhelm. I have walked in the darkness and walked through the pain. I can sit with you through your journey.
If my experience resonates with you, know that you can make positive changes in your life. You can discover your truth, make definitive, lasting changes in your life. You can venture into your authentic power.
Master of Business Administration, Nichols College Dudley, MA
Certified Holistic Coach, Radiant Coaches Academy Nashville, TN
Certified Reiki Master Teacher, Serenity Grove Wellness Center Coventry, CT
Level 1 Certified Medicinal Aromatherapy, Wisdom of the Earth Sedona, AZ
Certified Tibetan Sound Healer, Serenity Grove Wellness Center Coventry, CT